Unfortunately, She's My Best Friend
by Queen of the Rogues
Summary: Ino and Sakura decide to make a guide to being a Best Friend, oneshots: Warning- Side Pairings of SasuSaku and KibaIno, graphic violence which could be class as PG probably, a bit of cussing, dumb blondes, general dorkiness, bad humour, bad writing. "Ino, the idea of writing a blurb is to make them want to read it..." "...shit, seriously?"
1. Introducing Maniac and Nutcase

**Jinx~ Okay, the inspiration from this was the stuff on peoples Fanfiction Profiles- Good vs. Best friend. I just had the need to write it in the form of Sakura and Ino. i couldn't stop laughing when writing most of the chapters. Btw, also looking for a beta-reader for this. **

**Doesn't own Naruto, doesn't wanna own Naruto because it would crash and burn if I owned Naruto. **

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_Eh, I might as well write a little introduction to this, see here's the thing._

_Not everyone can have a good friend, or even a great friend. I have the bestest best friend though and her name's Ino Yamanka and I am her best friend. Nobody else would put up with her so I'm the default. See, there are certain requirements which you have to have to be counted as a best friend. It's like the unwritten rules of friendship that you have to abide by no matter what and if you miss one thing off, you're downgraded to just being a Good Friend. And you don't want that. So this is my guide, Sakura Haruno's Guide to Friendship: Good vs. Best friend. Catchy title, huh? Ino and I have known each other since we were eight years old, best friends just like how our mothers were best friends. My mums the one who taught me all about how to be a best friend, so maybe I should add her as a co-author? Nah, it's still my book. _

_Anyways, carry on faithful friends-soon-to-be-best-friends._

_Yours faithfully,_

_Haruno Sakura_

_X_

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_**Dear Reader**_

_** I bet you've already fallen asleep because of billboard-brow boring you to death with this introduction, so here I am to work some magic and bring you the best parts. Which are my parts of course! Duh, Sakura Haruno's my best friend, she's the only one who'd put up with me. Don't tell her that, it'd go straight to her head. Yeah, we've been together for a long, long, long, long, looooooooong time. My mum said we were glued at the hip, but that was an accident in art when we were ten and I won't go there. **__**We**__** have certain rules for friendship, so this may not apply to you if you want the greatest friendship ever to be bestowed upon to gorgeous ass girls. I mean, you could be guys and I don't judge so if you want to paint each other's toe nails and comment about their toe fungus that's fine with me. I'd personally use the colour Temptress if you've got a pale ski- **__Ino, can you hurry up please?_

_**Blugh, I hate people interrupting me. Don't you? **_

_**Anyways, good luck with your endeavours- **__Big word for you, Ino._

_**Shut up Sakura.**_

_**x**_

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**_Jinx~ It's a very short beginning but I think I can deal with it._**

**_Reviews_****_ would be delicious._**

**_Thanks. _**


	2. It's because you're gay, isn't it?

**Jinx~ May I remind you, these are in no particular order and some are linked but it will have a reference in the author notes if it is linked to a previous one shot. **

**Disclaiming the duo of Ino and Sakura, despite how similar they act to some of my friends.**

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"What's the motherfucker's name?" Sakura asked her best friend softly despite the curse word, watching with a grimace as Ino wiped her nose only to reveal her puffy bloodshot eyes and flushed cheeks. They were sat in Ino's room for a change, perched upon the end of her four poster bed with a tub of Ben and Jerry's ice cream, tissues and a load of horror movies which were so bad that it usually reduced them to hysterical laughter. The blonde girl shuffled and yanked the duvet up to her chin, avoiding Sakura's piercing green eyes that were probing for information. When the 'Stare of Doom', as Ino liked to call it, didn't let up Ino sighed and managed to have brief eye contact with Sakura.

"Sai."

"You asked Sai out?" Sakura blinked, not expecting that.

Not one bit.

Ino nodded and sniffled again, practically leaping for a tissue as the waterworks began to act up again. Sakura had never seen her friend like this and it was a bit unnerving, her hair which was usually perfectly coiffed was left loose and matte with grease and tangled. Her face... no comment. She had stayed in her pajamas for the last two days; also staying in her room unless she was hungry then she grabbed a small snack or even just a biscuit before returning to hibernate for the next ten hours. Ino nodded once again, reaching for the tub of Ben and Jerry's, practically tearing it open before stabbing it with the innocent spoon... Poor spoon.

"Mhm, I asked him and he told me no. Told me to go away because he was trying to concentrate on his painting, called annoying." Ino muttered, her words dipped in acid on coated in a layer of bitterness. Sakura frowned, climbing off of the bed and standing in front of her best friend with her hands braced on her slim hips. A single eyebrow raised.

"C'mon, get up."

"What?"

"You heard me." Sakura said firmly, reaching over and swiping the frozen goodness out of Ino's hand (Perhaps stealing a piece of cookie dough too but that's not the point). Ino stared at her friend for a moment, wondering whether to declare her insane or just tell her to fuck off. Sakura gave her no time at all, tugging the girl from the bed with her free hand and pushing her into her en-suite. She quickly shut the door after Ino.

"I'm not letting you out until you get a shower and do something with your hair."

"Goddamnit Sakura!"

"Nu-uh, I'm gonna make sure Sai knows what he's missing. Try and look decent for once!" Sakura called through the door, not moving until she heard the shower begin to run and when she did, she ran into the kitchen and stashed the ice cream back into the freezer. No doubt saving it for another heart wrenching time. Sakura quickly dialed up work, only to have Karin answer. The girl was happy to answer if Sai was sat in his usual booth.

"Twerps there alright, sketchbook and all. Ino okay? Heard she got rejected by the douche bag."

"She's coming out today, you can ask her then."

Sakura quickly hung up and set to getting Ino's clothes set out for her, an aqua blue tank top and form fitting skinny jeans that showed off her legs nicely. To top it off, a number of luminous bangles and the pretty silver necklace Ino had stolen from Sakura and never given back. Ino emerged from her en-suite drenched to the bone and wrapped in a fluffy white towel. Her hair was plastered to her head and her skin slightly flushed due to the heat of the water but she looked a lot better than before. Sakura left her to it and went to get ready herself, putting on some nice shorts over her favourite patterned tights and a red Chinese styled t-shirt. By the time she had put on her slap, Ino was done too. Her hair coiffed once again in its usual ponytail and her face smothered in her usual make-up. She looked like she'd never suffered heartbreak in the first place.

"Where we going?"

"Well, I'm going to work and you are gonna sit there and look pretty whilst I tear into this asshole." Sakura told her best friend sweetly, laughing when Ino grinned for the first time in that week and gave her the thumbs up of approval. Ino took a step back and whistled though, looking at her friends get up. The pinkette merely rolled her eyes and dragged them both out of the flat, heading to the coffee shop where they both worked part time. Karin was working the counter which meant that Sakura had the pleasure of being the waitress today, getting to tend to every customers whim. Immediately she headed for where Sai was sat, Ino watching as she sat behind the counter with Karin who was also staring unashamedly.

"Hiya, what can I get cha?" Sakura said with a pleasant enough smile towards Naruto, who sat across from Sai. The blonde grinned widely at his old time friend, ordering his usual which made Sakura smile. Then, she turned towards Sai and Naruto could instantly see the difference. Her smile turned into a faint smirk and her lively emerald green eyes died into a dark jade, watching the boys every movement with a cold calculating gaze. It was as if she was hunting him, she the predator and he the prey. Sai looked up and flashed a plastic smile that made Sakura feel almost queasy, his sketchpad in hand and from what she could see- he had been drawing Ino. A vein on Sakura's forehead immediately began to throb as she repeated the question.

"Some coffee would be nice, thanks Ugly." It took all of her will power not to throw out her newly concocted plan and strangle him to death. Instead she smiled at him, matching his smile in every way as she walked away. Karin immediately handed her Naruto's latte and a jug of decaf coffee. A jug of coffee, brilliant, it was still warm too. Walking back, she handed Naruto his coffee and turned to Sai once again who merely shoved his cup her way. Not even glancing up from his sketch-pad. He really was a good artist and that picture of Ino was great. Oh, well. Too bad.

She tipped the entirety of the jug over his head.

It was kind of obvious what she had wanted to do in the first place, I mean c'mon.

"Now I'd like to know why you felt the need to insult my girl Ino when you rejected her, which is a crime in itself really," Sakura muttered, her hands clutching the edge of the table the duo sat at. Her shoulders were slumped as she leaned over with a sweet enough smiel that to any one who didn't know her, it would seem as if she was apologizing for the terrible accident. She honestly didn't care about being fired, Karin was on duty and if their boss did come in for a check up- it was just an accident and accidents do happen after all. Sakura tapped her chin thoughtfully, before opening her mouth with what seemed to be a surprised expression. "It's because you're gay, isn't it?"

Naruto proceeded to choke on his drink before laughing until he was crying with tears of mirth.

Sakura quietly walked away with her tray in hand, sitting next to the blonde who was smiling- no beaming at her before tackling the pinkette into a bear hug she had been infamous for. Sakura just patted Ino's head awkwardly.

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_Good Friend- will comfort you when he rejects you.  
_  
_ Best Friend- will go up to him and say "It's because you're gay, isn't it?"_

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**Jinx~ What'dya think? Reviews would be delicious by the way, just saying. **


	3. Fairy Freakin' Godmother

**Jinx~ the first line is my favourite out of all of the chapters so far. This is exactly how I imagine my friends and I reacting- if we're able to get boyfriends. I do remind readers that- ** THESE CHAPTERS ARE IN RANDOM ORDER BUT ALL LINK IN TOGETHER I think... **-Anyways. I think Ino is quickly become my favourite character in this with my portrayal of her.**

**Disclaiming because if I did own Naruto it would consist of Ino and Sakura being the main characters.**

**...What?**

**It could work!**

**...maybe.**

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"Oh fuck."

"...You and Sasuke did the hanky panky and you didn't give me the dirty details?" Ino asked incredulously; looking at the pinkette who was staring back at her blankly with hood eyes. Ino quickly remembered the situation and flashed a sheepish smile before sitting on the edge of the bath, watching Sakura place the pregnancy test on the side of the basin. Pink plus meant positive as in '_I'm positively sure that you're fucking pregnant, idiot_'. Ino was slightly surprised, she'd always assumed that she'd be the first to be knocked up out of the two of them and name Sakura the godmother, live happily ever after with a screwed up kid that's only hope was their half-sane godmother and grandpa.

Sakura was quiet, a little too quiet for Ino's liking because she would have expected tears (Of joy or sadness, either one is good) or maybe screaming for joy. Not sombre silence and brooding look which could rival the one which Sasuke wore half of the time. It didn't suit her usually sparkling emerald green eyes which were clouded in fear as she turned to face Ino, who now had her serious face on. No, seriously she did! Ino quickly crossed the bathroom and wrapped her arms around Sakura who sniffled slightly, returning the embrace fully despite telling Ino off a couple of times for invading her personal space. Ino could feel the few tears splash against the bare flesh of her exposed shoulder, her hand rubbing Sakura's back in what she hoped was a comforting gesture. Really, Sakura was a lot better at the cheering-you-up business.

"What am I going to do, Ino?"

"Are you really asking that? I thought you'd know what was going to happen."

"I have no idea."

"Sak, you're gonna pop a baby out of your-"

"Ino!" Sakura shrieked slightly, pulling away from the hug to stare at her friend whose lip was twitching slightly in an effort not to laugh. Sakura grinned tiredly, chuckling with Ino of whom she let go and wandered over to the full length mirror. "Seriously though, Sasuke wants a family but I'm terrified."

"Sakura, _babe_, you're great with kids. You'll do fine; get an A+ just like in high school." Ino said batting her worries away without realizing it, the magic of Ino Yamanka, and going to sit back down on the side of the bath with a mischievous smile. Sakura froze for a moment, spying the smile out of the corner of the mirror and her own expression turning into one of worry. Her hand frozen where she was attempting to push back some unruly petal pink hair and lips parted.

"What are you up to?" Sakura asked, her tone laced with lethal amounts of suspicion and doubt whilst Ino just pouted and pretended to be hurt. Placing a hand over her heart, she gasped mockingly.

"Sakura, how could you presume so little of me?"

"What-"

"To make it up to me, you have to name your child after me." Ino stated resolutely, her arms folded across her chest and lifting her chin up. Practically daring Sakura to refuse her this right, though Sakura did raise an eyebrow from what Ino could see in their reflection of the mirror. Ino grinned widely at her, showing off her straight pearly white teeth that Sakura was slightly jealous of. It still felt like a dream though, finding out she was pregnant and then her best friend was already joking about it. It was slightly unrealistic for her, or maybe she just couldn't take it in. She was going to have a baby, a little girl or maybe a baby boy with dark hair and jade green eyes.

A grin stretched across her lips as she straightened herself up, turning to face Ino.

"Ino, I'm having a baby." Sakura stated, watching as her friend shared the same smile."I'm having a baby!"

The two were ashamed to admit it but they leaped at each other in a jumble of laughter and limbs, dancing cheesy dances which they had thought they'd long forgotten and generally being the idiots they knew they were. Ino attempting to do the moonwalk across the tiles but tripping over the pink fluffy bathmat, Sakura doing her own rendition of the hokey cokey but the point was that they looked like idiots. But they looked like idiots together which was better than looking like an idiot on their own. Everything was okay at that moment in time, nothing bad could happen... until Ino accidently hit Sakura. The situation ending with Ino being locked out of the bathroom, banging her fists on the doors and screaming her head off.

"YOU BETTER NAME IT AFTER ME!"

Sasuke chose that moment to unlock the door and walk in with Kiba in tow, hearing the blonde girls raving he shook his head and rolled his eyes.

"Sometimes I regret asking for a key." He muttered to Kiba who just grinned knowingly at his friend before going into Sakura's room, wondering what was going on. Sasuke quickly followed him, wondering what the crazy blonde was doing to antagonize his girlfriend. They found her with her back turned to them, slamming her fists against the door just as before but she'd obviously not heard them walk through the door.

"Haruno you better do me this one goddamn favour!"

"I'll make you the goddamn freakin' fairy godmother, doesn't that satisfy you enough!?" Sasuke could hear Sakura shout back through the door, Ino leaning back in a huff- turning around no doubt to get something heavy to break the door down only to run into them. Her eyes went wide for a moment before a wide smirk tainted her lips, her eyes focused on Sasuke and Sasuke alone. The only other time which Sasuke had seen such a stare was when she hunted him down in the nightclub before forcing him to sit down with Sakura, the best and worst night of his life though he wouldn't dare say that to her face. He didn't let Ino know how uncomfortable he was with that stare on him, his poker face in play but his eyes were focused upon the door behind her- determined not to look at the blonde.

"So here's the lucky guy, SAKURA!" Ino said, turning around and screaming at the top of her voice.

"What!?"

"Prince Charming and your boyfriends here!" Ino yelled, grabbing Kiba and dragging him out of the room. As soon as she'd left, Sakura poked her head around the door frame and glanced from side to side.

"Is she gone?" Sasuke smirked and nodded, watching as a smile lit up her features and she slid out of the bathroom only to throw herself at him. Leaping at him, he caught her around the waist whilst her arms wrapped around his shoulders. He wasn't one for these displays of affection, in public at least since he had a reputation to uphold and as did she. He held her close as they kissed briefly until Sakura broke away first, he just held her for a moment and stared down at her whilst she bit her lip. Something was up, obviously which was probably what Ino was screaming about when they got here. Sasuke just stared at the woman in his arms though, wondering if she was going to tell him what was going on or he'd have to get it out of her.

"Sasuke," Sakura started, stopping his thoughts on how he'd get the information out of her. " Y-you know how you always wanted a family right?"

At this Sasuke's eyebrows flew up, they had been going out for ten or eleven months now and the subject had only been brought up once and that was out of the fact that Sasuke said he wanted his children to have siblings like he did. He eyed her up and down for a moment, his gaze lingering on her belly for a second longer than the rest. She turned her head, air hissing through the crevices between her teeth as she avoided his gaze like he was a creep in a bar.

"Got something to tell me?" His eyebrow raised but otherwise his expression remained vacant, not the unintelligent vacant- mor elike the smoking hot vacant which attracts the ladies and Sakura has to beat them off with a stick. No, wait, that was every expression he made. Oh well.

"Baby in the oven, due in 9 months." OKAY- it was blunt, insensitive and probably the dumbest thing to come out of her mouth other than that time she had thirty shots in a row. That was when the stupidity was vomited back out but that's not the point. Sasuke didn't say a word. Just looked at her, in the eyes and then moved his gaze down to her belly and repeated the pattern for a good twenty minutes before a loud thud made Kiba and Ino jump as they waited in the living room.

They walked in to see Sakura stood over and sprawled out Sasuke on the floor, his eyes closed and Sakura looking a tiny bit ticked off.

"Seriously, he walks in on me naked but he faints at the idea of a baby!" Ino huffed incredulously, her arms flung in the air as she stormed out of the room.

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_Good Friend: Will buy you a pregnancy test._

_Best Friend: Will stand outside yelling "NAME IT AFTER ME!"_

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**Jinx~ Hope you liked it as much as I did, reviews would be nice but you don't have to unless I'm threatening you to do so. Which. I. Am. No I'm not, such a silly thing to say. But seriously review. **


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